I am capable of LOVING

The rickshaw man's thin shirt took my mind off my sadness, but only temporarily. My sadness felt so deep and intense, I sat brooding over what had happened over the day. Why did my previous landlords always insult me? Was I really that bad? Was I a bad, hopeless, sadness-inducing person?

And something shifted within me, in the light of what has happened for my Spiritual Umbrella. I reminded this injured self of mine that if 2 shallow people passed judgements and treated me badly, the shallowness remained on their side! I was someone who could snap out of my distress to cover someone in the cold, I was the one to think of educating my maid, give her experiences she had been denied, help her grow. I am one to think of giving/ buying food for beggars than choosing to give change.

So I am NOT how some people think me to be. I have to stop believing them, and believe in myself instead. Not just blind faith, but actually count my goodness so that I am not abusing me with negative self-talk all the time!

As the feeling is sinking in, I am suddenly recollecting SO MANY, just so many instances when I have been selfless, giving, thoughtful about others, exercised foresight and removed hurdles for people, given without expecting anything in return...... I have loved! I am capable of LOVING! I can't believe this - that is, the self that thinks I am no good....... I have to SEE how noble I naturally am.

Good chunks of my day are spent in actions and thoughts which focus on others' good, and I haven't even been aware! I donated both my Grad and Post Grad textbooks to needy juniors. I have gone out of my way to help visually challenged people reach their destination. I have picked other people's litter and thrown in the next available dustbin. I have fought with my near and dear ones to save electricity. I have been using the back sides of printed sheets to conserve trees. I have donated green refuse to cows when I could easily have shoved it all in my dustbin. I pass on unused gifts to people in need instead of hoarding them.

I am a very good person. I am a very responsible and thoughtful and sensitive person. I can stop thrashing and talking myself down, now.

I can remind myself that I have always held an umbrella for others.