Should one discriminate?

I had been talking to an older cousin, and I happened to ask a question which I didn't intend to be threatening. In other words, if I were asked this question by her, I wouldn't think much before answering it, since there's so much trust established between us.

But she chose not to reply. Maybe it was a sensitive issue to her, maybe she didn't trust me enough. I didn't press her, I instead tackled the point why I asked her what I did. She replied to that. We carried on with the conversation normally, but within me, I was instantly hurt.

I was hurt because she chose to withhold information from me. What was she thinking? That I would know more about her than she wants me to? That I might misuse the information? That I might become a competitor to her?

I don't see her as that. She has called me umpteen number of times for help, and I have always made time for her, for I like her, trust her, admire her. And from how she has been to me, I also saw love and I was touched. It was her affectionate ways towards me that made me trust her more recently. And I have never felt the need to not tell her anything. In fact, she was one of the first few ones in the family whom I told about Meghu. If I could trust her with that sensitive a piece of information, she could have shown trust in me too.

I am hurt that she is so secretive. That she may harbour thoughts that I, of all the people, would misuse her. I wish her prosperity and happiness. And I am not one of those who noses into other people's business to just be able to gossip later or make schemes.

I am hurt because I believed what she thinks of me. I can choose to not believe! and I very well can, because I KNOW how purely I feel for her. I will never ever threaten her, make her feel insecure. She is my sister.

So the point is, she denied me a tiny space under her umbrella, while she's enjoyed herself under mine. Just because she is weak within and so failed to trust me, does not mean that I must deny her mine. Maybe she needs even more love from me, even more demonstration of how I can share with her, how secure I feel within myself to be able to do that. Maybe that will eventually make her put the guards down.

In the meantime, I can hold my umbrella for her, contrary to how I reacted "I won't help her any more" immediately as I was talking to her. I forgive her. I won't ask questions that she may perceive as probing. In fact, I needn't go beyond pleasantries. I can share about myself though.

Because a banyan tree gives the same shade and rest to a robber as to an honest businessman. It does not discriminate. Because it is magnanimous, and because it is beyond insecurity. A robber's immorality is too petty to corrupt the banyan tree's shade.

I forgive you, Sister. I pray that the pain in your heart which makes you insecure and defensive, leave you. I hope my spirit and my love are helpful.