Receiving Gracefully

Meghu and I were midway through our lunch when the doorbell rung. I found a well-dressed woman who wanted some donation for the J&K victims of a bomb blast. I requested her to come a little later since we were having lunch then. The woman insisted thrice. I wasn't liking it, but since I am assertive, I didn't budge. I told her to come LAY-TER. She wasn't understanding, said she would visit houses upstairs and come again (which would take her around 5 minutes, I calculated). I was feeling pressurised.

I had decided in my heart that her behaviour wasn't evoking any sympathy from me. She wasn't requesting for help, she was demanding. But I kept my thoughts to myself, returned to my meal and told Meghu who it was.

To my surprise, Meghu had already given some donation a week ago to these very people. He knows that I don't like to help in cash, but kind. So he reassured me that he gave 50 bucks after a long 15 minute interview with a young man who was soliciting funds. This young man wasn't grateful, he immediately told Meghu that others had given 500 bucks, and that rubbed Meghu the wrong way. Meghu was happy giving him 50, but if the guy wasn't he could very well return those 50.

Now, this woman did come in 5 minutes, and Meghu answered the bell this time. He explained that a donation was already made, so she could try elsewhere. She insisted, she started telling us about their plight, some orphaned children etc. As soon as she mentioned kids, we realised we could give her some sweaters. She didn't feel happy about that. We were already feeling pushed, and now she added disappointment to it. She went on with her pressurising. She made some rude remarks, which made Meghu take back even the Sweater-offer. To which she started telling us how we were not good people, how we had everything and were still not willing to help. I think she mentioned 'God' also somewhere.

I felt Meghu didn't need to be hearing all that, so we had to close the door in her face. We resumed our lunch conversation normally, but I have been disturbed ever since.

Meghu and I have discussed Giving at length. We have realised that:

1. Only JOYFUL GIVING is true giving. If you didn't feel good, overjoyed, peaceful or silent after your act of kindness, that kindness has gone down the drain.

2. Joyful Giving comes 2 situations : if you gave without being asked to AND if your answer to a solicitation of help was received gracefully.

3. Giving does not end in itself. The way it is received makes a lot of difference in how YOU feel after giving, whether you will give again, and the size of your generosity in general.

4. People who receive ARE in some way being rescued from a difficult situation. They must have humility, politeness and gratitude in their manner. If they are cheeky, rude, demanding and pushy, they are confirming their belief that they are entitled to other people's help. That others better yield or else......! Such individuals won't go very far in their cause.

On second thoughts, everyone should be humble, polite and grateful. Even people who are in the giving position.

5. Giving purely is not enough. Giving intelligently is what is required. Use your discretion amply. Don't criticise yourself for denying help to someone who was asking but not deserving. That is the reason why helping a friend copy in examinations is not good. Such giving is NOT GOOD.

6. Give to empower. Avoid giving that encourages dependency. That help is not real help. Just as they say :
Give a hungry man a fish, feed him for a day; teach him how to fish, feed him for a lifetime.
If that means you will take a whole year to gather enough resources for empowering someone, and therefore won't have resources for helping others in small ways; so be it. Better to empower one than to make ten dependent.

Meghu and I are still discussing intermittently. Looks like there's tons to learn about having a generous heart.