Some More Updates

Just because I haven't blogged for a while, does not mean things didn't happen.

1. Jill's one-year old cut her little fingers on a sheet of jagged glass, and I incidentally happen to look in there to talk to Ruby's sister Neeraj who works for Jill. I saw Neeraj holding the baby with her bleeding fingers in the wash basin, while Jill had gone downt o get some Band-Aid.
(It boggles me how a mother of 2 small kids can leave a door with broken glass sheets unattended, and also how she can not have stocked on First Aid supplies at home for emergencies. I also don't understand why she didn't come to me for bandages, when I had clearly told her she must tell us first!)

Anyway, I quickly ran, took stock of the situation, brought bandage for the little one, applied turmeric since the bleeding wouldn't stop, asked the older daughter to fetch some ice. Oh god, it was too much! Jill came and saw me handling the child, she thanked me and tried to return my 3 bandages to me (!!!!!!)

I asked her to leave all else, and rush to a GP since the child's fingers kept bleeding, despite all attempts. I feared the worst.

With much persuasion and a final authority in my voice, I got her out, the older daughter and house under my care. Eventually, Meghu took over and I could get on with my day.

2. Our ADHAAR card application process. Many many things happened. 2 officers, a cramped lobby area and big crowds. Many people tried to bribe the officers and nudge their applications in. We had decided we would do it legally AND that very day!

All went well by the Grace of the Universe. We changed our application centre last minute which made all the difference. Someone else fought our battle to convince the officers about accepting our applications, while we filled the forms. We had reached early enough to be amongst the first 10 applicants. Seriously, with the help of a guy with his arm in a plaster, we could get our application done before lunch time!

We took opportunities to give to. There was chaos and the officers were muddled. We helped distribute forms, give information, regulate the crowds, help look for lost/misplaced forms in old bundles, help illiterate people fill their forms. Then I spotted a senior citizen whose presence itself was awe-inspiring. He was unaccompanied. His documents said his date of birth was something 1928! Whoa! Somebody who was in his youth when India got her independence!

I immediately moved the crowd to get him seated. I filled his form, found out what documents he would need. This gentleman impressed me thoroughly, he was carrying a pen!! (Yes, that is a BIG deal. There are tons of fools who walk into places without pens and then go about begging for one from others. Irresponsible fellows.) One of the officers who was earlier thankful that I was helping her, now seemed irritated. She didn't seem keen to take on one more application. She asked me to not help the gentleman, citing that many such people keep coming all the time. I was firm, I drew her attention to his age and how we just couldn't turn him down.

She saw sense, told me which documents will be required, and that they will take his application on priority. i was thrilled. I sent Meghu to photocopy some of his documents to complete the application. But it so happened that I had to join Meghu eventually, So I informed the old man that we will be returning shortly and he must not worry.

Meghu and I took a long time to return because the photocopier was a good distance away. Plus we decided to pack a small snack for both the officers who were admirably tackling the crowds, sometimes buckling under the pressure. Plus we tried to buy fruit for me and get some print-outs as well.

By the time we returned, one of the applicants we had now befriended informed that the old man was getting very worried about his original documents, he thought we might have run away. I didn't like that thought, but I could completely understand him. He had been waiting helplessly. Anyway, I went up to him, got his bunch together and we walked to the officer to submit it. Now he was given a new seat and we told him he would soon get a turn (he wasn't happy with 'soon' he wanted it 'right now').

Then we turned to the officers, and handed them a packet each of 2 hot samosas as a gift. They smiled, thanked but refused to accept. It might count as bribe. And we laughed. Because this wasn't a bribe, because it wasn't being done covertly, a whole crowd was watching and actually appreciating the gesture. So we pressed them to accept it as a gift on behalf of all us applicants. They did :D

This particular day was highly satisfying.

3. My kids at school are beginning to like me. Some are attached. I recently got a Valentine Day drawing from a girl in class 2, which is common for teachers, but it was my first souvenir and so was special! The kids are liking what I teach, the way I do it. Even a certain difficult child with behavioural problems, who had dropped out and then later joined back, even he was responding to me! I am so thrilled!

i feel validated in my heart, that I can reach out to these young children. That I can encourage so many, make them believe in themselves, extend the strong ones, strengthen the weaker ones. impart moral lessons in subtle ways. I have so much power. I pray to the Universe that the right influence flow through me. That I always be congruent with what is good and right, and that I be an excellent role model. Because any which way, I will be emulated.

4. The sweets that Meghu got me from his Hyderabad trip were truly too many to consume. And while they still had good shelf-life, we decided to share these with our neighbours. The first share went to Ruby and family. The second went to an old lady upstairs who has irked me a number of times, but our equation has changed for the better ever since Meghu stepped in. She will never let us leave her home empty-handed. She sent some sweets and snacks for me in return (and I LOVED those). The third share went to Jill, especially the older daughter who has a sweet tooth. We plan to give the last share to our neighbours downstairs, who have given to us in circumstances we will never forget.

5. I now keep seeing that Gramin Seva driver often, at the Metro Station waiting for his passengers. Now we smile and sometimes engage in small talk. A lot of these drivers now know me by face, very few try to flirt or impress. Some keep to themselves, acting as strangers still, while most acknowledge the familiarity without engaging in conversation. One of these days, I am going to ask the friendlier ones to help me distribute flyers for my new business. I hope they agree :)

By the way, I also saw that young college kid in the same vehicle as me, the other day. At first, he avoided eye contact with me, so I thought he was probably embarrassed (you can never tell with teenage boys) and doesn't want a conversation. So I kept to myself, and then discovered that he was trying to catch my eye towards the end of the journey, but by then I had lost interest.

6. A recent trip to the shack where they press clothes turned out to be one of connections. I greet the staff there every day on my way to work and back. We have gotten friendly. One of the them has lived in Mumbai and he told me that when I requested him to make 3 folds of my clothes instead of two. Apparently that's the Mumbai way of doing things! Lol! I told him I too hailed from Mumbai. He has lived in Shivaji Park. An old lady following our conversation chipped in with much happiness that her daughter also lives in Mumbai, but outside it. I knew what she meant. I suggested 'Vashi/ Navi Mumbai' and she nodded vigorously! I told her my home was in Ghatkopar, and that excited her even more, since her daughter's relative lived there. Now this old lady became extremely happy. She told me she was a cook, and that she would be happy to work for me. That I was like her daughter. She told me her daughter boarded the train from Bandra every day. I asked her if she did that because she worked there, she shook her head and corrected me, "No, she has a job there." Hahahaha! That was cute.

On my way back, I greeted an aunty who was soaking up the sun. I complimented her on the variety of plants she had. She immediately offered to give me some so that I could plant them at home. So easily and naturally she offered to give, that it was touching. We discussed a certain red ornamental plant, she gave me a few seeds and I promised her to come back and take some more.

Things have happened, some got blogged about, some have left my memory. But my umbrella always has people under it, and that's how things should be.

2 Bucks Each for a Smile

This shared vehicle service available to and from the Metro Station requires that a vehicle moving from there be filled to full capacity (and more) to get highest returns. So drivers and passengers some times need to wait really long while more passengers are found.

Today, we waited 15-20 minutes. Some restless college boys did urge the driver to not wait too long, but he wanted his profits, he gets a turn after a long wait in the queue. However, pressure from within the vehicle eventually caused him to start off with just 8 passengers instead of his regular 10-11. He wasn't happy. We all hoped that he would find some on the way, but that didn't happen.

So I thought I would pay him 2 persons' fare to make up a little for his loss. Then an idea struck. I asked all the passengers at the back, if each of them could contribute just 2 bucks, besides the usual fare. Some were not willing, which I can understand - college-going boys may not have a sizeable amount of pocket money, and those 2 bucks can mean 4 photocopies. But most agreed and I volunteered to collect the fare plus the contribution from 6 passengers including me.

When I got down at my stop, I handed the driver the money, currency notes for the regular fare and a stack of coins as a gift from us. He didn't say anything, just took the money. A guy at the back asked him if he was happy, as if to pacify him. This was the same guy who led the pressurising. The same guy who urged me, the only female in the van, to 'request' the driver to move. The same guy who thought I was asking only him to pay 2 bucks extra! The guy who told the driver, we were all like his kids and it's okay once in a while (!!!!!)

So this guy acted cool, "At least now you are happy...?" As I got down, I looked at the driver and told him he needn't be so pissed off after all. I saw a bright sweet smile on his face. There had been no bad blood anyway, but the bad mood was lifted and now things were good.

As the van revved up again to reach its destination, the cool college kid smiled at me and said, "Nice idea!"

I was grateful everyone got a chance to make the driver's day. It was not about losing out on fare for 2 extra passengers. It wasn't about 2 bucks that cost us all. It was about a kind gesture. It was about the joy felt by all of us in giving to this saddened man. That will stay in our memories for a long time, and hopefully inspire more kindness.

Some Updates

1. One of my micro-goals this year is to donate blood. Meghu and I were going to do it together so that I would have his moral support. But the other day, I saw an opportunity right where I was, and philosophised that maybe I am Meant to donate blood without Meghu by my side so that I can face my fear completely.

But it so happened that the doctor in the van looked at my palm and my eyes and pronounced that my haemoglobin level wasn't enough for donating blood. I gaped at him, how could he be so sure without doing an actual test?! I tried to reason with him that I have been fine lately, although earlier I had been put on iron supplements etc.

He politely refused. I got down disappointed, and met another staff outside the van, who insisted I do a test. There were two pathologists at the rear end of the van who would help me. They did the test, and said the same thing. My HB level was not enough.

I could not donate blood, and the doctor was a genius.

2. The last sweater was donated by Meghu to an old beggar lady the same day as my blood donation disappointment.

3. I did make my feelings known to Ruby after all. She came cheekily, trying to make small talk, but I was in no mood. I found an opportunity to talk when Meghu was out for a few minutes. We didn't teach her that day, on my decision. She did apologise but I let my angry demeanour be, for her to remember long enough to avoid such breaches of trust.

It worked. Next few days I was away when she came to work. Meghu taught her, but she kept enquiring if I my anger had extinguished. She went beyond her usual tasks and pro-actively did more jobs around the house to assuage me, perhaps. Even today came with an opportunity for her to demonstrate loyalty. What her mother told me today about her has helped me rekindle my trust in Ruby, her mother and her sister.

I hope this bond remains. And also the understanding that we will not take each other for granted.

4. Meghu and I had a massive fight lately, the consequences of which have been shameful. We have quickly taken corrective action, but the shame has not left me. Anger really IS just a little short of danger. It possesses you in no time, if you don't control the first feelers of it. It makes you inhuman. It makes you an animal.

I vow to never repeat what I did that day.

5. The TED talk that Nipun Mehta gave is not leaving my head. Something profound has been communicated simply and effortlessly. It has made me cry. And I am still figuring out what part has he touched to make me cry.

6. I love OLX and I love TED Talks as well.

7. I have urged Ruby's mother to send her sister Neeraj to study as well. I was told that Neeraj is shy, but she knows us well, so she can drop the inhibition. Plus she has been writing in Ruby's notebook, thereby expressing a desire to learn. And finally, if two sisters of similar ages study together, there might come a healthy competitiveness between them which will egg each of them to study harder, even if only to outdo the other one :)

8. In the wake of the Delhi rape case, our housing society here had organised a self-defence training for kids and women. I participated for just 1 day and am happy with my decision. I do feel empowered and confident. Thanks to the organisers.

Sometimes the vibe is not right

Meghu finally got the Smile Cards he had requested from helpothers.org. Cool place that one, says Meghu.

Before we went to buy the chest of drawers, we had lunch out at a restaurant and Meghu had decided to pay for one of the tables as a surprise to the guest eating there. We would pay his bill and leave (so that the act remained anonymous), and the waiter would bring him a SMILE CARD instead which urged him to make someone else happy now that he was pleasantly surprised that someone else had paid for him! And when he did an anonymous deed of kindness, he would leave this card behind for the beneficiary to carry on with the game.

Lovely idea. We tried. But our waiter was very hesitant. I suggested that Meghu talk to the cashier instead, but Meghu was put off by then. He felt that such a thing should not require convincing. Only excitement to see the face of this other patron (only the waiter would, because we would have to be gone by then) who has been pleasantly surprised.

So well, Meghu couldn't carry out what he planned, but he will soon enough. His next book is called the Kindness Project : D

Receiving Gracefully

Meghu and I were midway through our lunch when the doorbell rung. I found a well-dressed woman who wanted some donation for the J&K victims of a bomb blast. I requested her to come a little later since we were having lunch then. The woman insisted thrice. I wasn't liking it, but since I am assertive, I didn't budge. I told her to come LAY-TER. She wasn't understanding, said she would visit houses upstairs and come again (which would take her around 5 minutes, I calculated). I was feeling pressurised.

I had decided in my heart that her behaviour wasn't evoking any sympathy from me. She wasn't requesting for help, she was demanding. But I kept my thoughts to myself, returned to my meal and told Meghu who it was.

To my surprise, Meghu had already given some donation a week ago to these very people. He knows that I don't like to help in cash, but kind. So he reassured me that he gave 50 bucks after a long 15 minute interview with a young man who was soliciting funds. This young man wasn't grateful, he immediately told Meghu that others had given 500 bucks, and that rubbed Meghu the wrong way. Meghu was happy giving him 50, but if the guy wasn't he could very well return those 50.

Now, this woman did come in 5 minutes, and Meghu answered the bell this time. He explained that a donation was already made, so she could try elsewhere. She insisted, she started telling us about their plight, some orphaned children etc. As soon as she mentioned kids, we realised we could give her some sweaters. She didn't feel happy about that. We were already feeling pushed, and now she added disappointment to it. She went on with her pressurising. She made some rude remarks, which made Meghu take back even the Sweater-offer. To which she started telling us how we were not good people, how we had everything and were still not willing to help. I think she mentioned 'God' also somewhere.

I felt Meghu didn't need to be hearing all that, so we had to close the door in her face. We resumed our lunch conversation normally, but I have been disturbed ever since.

Meghu and I have discussed Giving at length. We have realised that:

1. Only JOYFUL GIVING is true giving. If you didn't feel good, overjoyed, peaceful or silent after your act of kindness, that kindness has gone down the drain.

2. Joyful Giving comes 2 situations : if you gave without being asked to AND if your answer to a solicitation of help was received gracefully.

3. Giving does not end in itself. The way it is received makes a lot of difference in how YOU feel after giving, whether you will give again, and the size of your generosity in general.

4. People who receive ARE in some way being rescued from a difficult situation. They must have humility, politeness and gratitude in their manner. If they are cheeky, rude, demanding and pushy, they are confirming their belief that they are entitled to other people's help. That others better yield or else......! Such individuals won't go very far in their cause.

On second thoughts, everyone should be humble, polite and grateful. Even people who are in the giving position.

5. Giving purely is not enough. Giving intelligently is what is required. Use your discretion amply. Don't criticise yourself for denying help to someone who was asking but not deserving. That is the reason why helping a friend copy in examinations is not good. Such giving is NOT GOOD.

6. Give to empower. Avoid giving that encourages dependency. That help is not real help. Just as they say :
Give a hungry man a fish, feed him for a day; teach him how to fish, feed him for a lifetime.
If that means you will take a whole year to gather enough resources for empowering someone, and therefore won't have resources for helping others in small ways; so be it. Better to empower one than to make ten dependent.

Meghu and I are still discussing intermittently. Looks like there's tons to learn about having a generous heart.

When Giving goes Viral

Meghu has talked about this to me. I have seen a few videos on this before. It is about how someone can start a chain reaction of giving.

I unwittingly participated in one in a short episode on the Delhi Metro a few weeks ago.

After work, I had just boarded the Metro back home, quite tired, frustrated and irritated. It was a peak hour and I wasn't hoping to find a seat. The Metro was jam-packed anyway and while standing in my limited area, I overheard a conversation of an elderly man with 2 young boys.

The boys were urging this gentleman to claim his seat reserved for elderly people. These were, in that moment, occupied by 2 men in their mid-thirties. The old uncle replied that if they vacated the seats themselves, that would be nice, for he didn't like asking people - that would make him feel weak and needy.

Now, one of these men got up because it was his station next. I edged forward to make space for him to find his way to the exit. The one who was going to sit in this recently vacated seat, thought that I wanted the seat, so he let me sit. I refused initially, urging him to sit, but he insisted, so I gladly took it. GIVING 1.

It had been less than 15 seconds that I had relaxed myself into the seat, when I realised I was sitting on one reserved for old people. I remembered what that old guy had said, so I sought him out in the crowd and insisted that he sit. GIVING 2.

It had again been less than 15 seconds that I vacated the seat, when this old uncle got up and gave his seat to a lady in her early fifties. GIVING 3.

When I saw this, I smiled to myself. I realised that what they say about food, is also true for seats. Morsels and seats come with names written on them. It is pure luck and destiny that you are getting to enjoy them.

And then I got mock-mad at myself for giving the seat to that old guy.

1 seat, 3 people to relinquish it for the next one, 1 beneficiary. All in less than a minute in a very crowded Metro.

Amusing.

The Fate of Gifts Made to Me

I know many people who are sentimental about gifts they receive and give. I personally am a bit practical about gifts.

I check them for their usefulness and relevance to me. If they are something I have really wanted, I keep them, use them almost immediately. Those that aren't my taste, size or of general requirement, I am most likely to pass them on to others, for 2 reasons:

1. I do not like hoarding. I see that as an arrest of energy. I want to keep very few things I think I will use in the future. The rest I just want to dispose off.
2. These objects might actually be of service to others!

Now, the feelings behind these gifts are very nice, I allow them to touch me, I accept those with gratitude. But the objects themselves can meet different fates. I want people to know that this is what will happen if they made gifts to me. There will be a good chance that the gift will be transferred to someone else in case I decide I won't use it. If they are okay with it, they may continue buying stuff without consulting me. But for those whose sentiments will be hurt, I suggest you give me cash or gift vouchers or better still, just ask me for my wishlist and see if you could contribute there.

I prefer the latter the most.

Holding Umbrellas over Each Other

I am very excited about my trip to Mumbai, my hometown. I finally have confirmed tickets, thanks to the Tatkal quota of the very amazing Indian Railways. But getting Tatkal tickets is not an easy job.

Booking online failed, so we had to go to the nearest railway station the next day. Tatkal booking opens at sharp 10 am all over India, but the tickets are all exhausted in the first 10 minutes. It is all way too risky. People start forming a queue at the railway station gate from 4 am onwards! When we heard that, we were in disbelief - 6 hours of standing in a queue?! But we wanted our tickets anyhow and decided to take the advice seriously.

We are not regretting. When Meghu and I reached the Delhi Cantonment Railway Station at 4:10 am, we learnt that there were 2 queues, one for ladies and one for men. I thanked myself for deciding to accompany Meghu, because I turned out to be second in the ladies' queue! At what time did the first lady arrive? 3 am.

And the men? Meghu had 7 guys ahead of him. 5 of them had reached the station at 8 pm the previous night, and spread a sheet and slept out on the ground only.

Getting Tatkal tickets is seriously a grand struggle. The probability of getting a ticket, the wait time, the unnatural hours at which you must queue up....... and the weather.

Delhi winters are killing. I was wearing a monkey cap, gloves, woollen stole, sweater, jacket and socks. And was still shivering. My body is still hurting from having to pass those 6 hours in such cold! Plus, no place to sit.

None. I had anticipated that Meghu and I would take turns to stand in the queue. But we ended up standing in 2 different ones, and there was not a single bench in sight. I was equipped with winterwear, but I wasn't carrying anything to sit on! The woman after me had luckily brought an old durrie. She spread it on the ground and happily shared it with me and the first lady. She also had her 3 year old son bravely withstanding the cold. I was so touched and in admiration. She shared her Umbrella with us... How much ever she could.

Then she wanted to go to the loo. She left her son in the first lady's care, who literally took the child in her lap, covered him with her shawl, held him close to her bosom like a mother would, and tried to pacify him as he woke up to find out that his mummy was gone. She rocked him, cajoled him, and eventually took him to the mother in the loo. ...... Now she had opened her Umbrella.

This first lady had also shared her story with me, invited me to sit on the durrie, given very helpful information about the Tatkal Procedure, and when THE moment at the counter came, she helped me count out cash quickly so that I wouldn't delay other people in the queue (every second is crucial).

And I was watching all the time how in harsh conditions too, some human beings choose to keep their humanity and have generous hearts. That was touching. For my part, I was struggling with the cold and lack of sleep most of the time. But I took my opportunities too. Shared my biscuits with both ladies, played with the child, assisted the first lady to find the right counter, and when the whole hall was crowded, we brought her out safely after we had bought our tickets. Then Meghu suggested we keep her company while she waited for her husband to get tickets and come out (both had to be buying tickets, they were a largish family). She was touched too.

Everybody had been helping each other, and sharing others' joy of getting confirmed tickets. It was such a heartwarming experience. I am humbled by the love flowing between complete strangers. I have yet to let this love flow so freely through me. I have so much learn.

I will never undergo this Tatkal Trial ever again, at least I don't want to endure the wait. But I am thankful that the whole experience was rewarding - I got the tickets I so badly wanted, and I saw Love in action.

I have learnt today that when we see others give selflessly, compassion in us can get switched on too. Vicariously or directly. You try to reciprocate the gesture, you end up giving more, and happily so. Then the other one responds. And before you know, a cycle of giving freely has started. It is immensely joyful.