Some More Updates

Just because I haven't blogged for a while, does not mean things didn't happen.

1. Jill's one-year old cut her little fingers on a sheet of jagged glass, and I incidentally happen to look in there to talk to Ruby's sister Neeraj who works for Jill. I saw Neeraj holding the baby with her bleeding fingers in the wash basin, while Jill had gone downt o get some Band-Aid.
(It boggles me how a mother of 2 small kids can leave a door with broken glass sheets unattended, and also how she can not have stocked on First Aid supplies at home for emergencies. I also don't understand why she didn't come to me for bandages, when I had clearly told her she must tell us first!)

Anyway, I quickly ran, took stock of the situation, brought bandage for the little one, applied turmeric since the bleeding wouldn't stop, asked the older daughter to fetch some ice. Oh god, it was too much! Jill came and saw me handling the child, she thanked me and tried to return my 3 bandages to me (!!!!!!)

I asked her to leave all else, and rush to a GP since the child's fingers kept bleeding, despite all attempts. I feared the worst.

With much persuasion and a final authority in my voice, I got her out, the older daughter and house under my care. Eventually, Meghu took over and I could get on with my day.

2. Our ADHAAR card application process. Many many things happened. 2 officers, a cramped lobby area and big crowds. Many people tried to bribe the officers and nudge their applications in. We had decided we would do it legally AND that very day!

All went well by the Grace of the Universe. We changed our application centre last minute which made all the difference. Someone else fought our battle to convince the officers about accepting our applications, while we filled the forms. We had reached early enough to be amongst the first 10 applicants. Seriously, with the help of a guy with his arm in a plaster, we could get our application done before lunch time!

We took opportunities to give to. There was chaos and the officers were muddled. We helped distribute forms, give information, regulate the crowds, help look for lost/misplaced forms in old bundles, help illiterate people fill their forms. Then I spotted a senior citizen whose presence itself was awe-inspiring. He was unaccompanied. His documents said his date of birth was something 1928! Whoa! Somebody who was in his youth when India got her independence!

I immediately moved the crowd to get him seated. I filled his form, found out what documents he would need. This gentleman impressed me thoroughly, he was carrying a pen!! (Yes, that is a BIG deal. There are tons of fools who walk into places without pens and then go about begging for one from others. Irresponsible fellows.) One of the officers who was earlier thankful that I was helping her, now seemed irritated. She didn't seem keen to take on one more application. She asked me to not help the gentleman, citing that many such people keep coming all the time. I was firm, I drew her attention to his age and how we just couldn't turn him down.

She saw sense, told me which documents will be required, and that they will take his application on priority. i was thrilled. I sent Meghu to photocopy some of his documents to complete the application. But it so happened that I had to join Meghu eventually, So I informed the old man that we will be returning shortly and he must not worry.

Meghu and I took a long time to return because the photocopier was a good distance away. Plus we decided to pack a small snack for both the officers who were admirably tackling the crowds, sometimes buckling under the pressure. Plus we tried to buy fruit for me and get some print-outs as well.

By the time we returned, one of the applicants we had now befriended informed that the old man was getting very worried about his original documents, he thought we might have run away. I didn't like that thought, but I could completely understand him. He had been waiting helplessly. Anyway, I went up to him, got his bunch together and we walked to the officer to submit it. Now he was given a new seat and we told him he would soon get a turn (he wasn't happy with 'soon' he wanted it 'right now').

Then we turned to the officers, and handed them a packet each of 2 hot samosas as a gift. They smiled, thanked but refused to accept. It might count as bribe. And we laughed. Because this wasn't a bribe, because it wasn't being done covertly, a whole crowd was watching and actually appreciating the gesture. So we pressed them to accept it as a gift on behalf of all us applicants. They did :D

This particular day was highly satisfying.

3. My kids at school are beginning to like me. Some are attached. I recently got a Valentine Day drawing from a girl in class 2, which is common for teachers, but it was my first souvenir and so was special! The kids are liking what I teach, the way I do it. Even a certain difficult child with behavioural problems, who had dropped out and then later joined back, even he was responding to me! I am so thrilled!

i feel validated in my heart, that I can reach out to these young children. That I can encourage so many, make them believe in themselves, extend the strong ones, strengthen the weaker ones. impart moral lessons in subtle ways. I have so much power. I pray to the Universe that the right influence flow through me. That I always be congruent with what is good and right, and that I be an excellent role model. Because any which way, I will be emulated.

4. The sweets that Meghu got me from his Hyderabad trip were truly too many to consume. And while they still had good shelf-life, we decided to share these with our neighbours. The first share went to Ruby and family. The second went to an old lady upstairs who has irked me a number of times, but our equation has changed for the better ever since Meghu stepped in. She will never let us leave her home empty-handed. She sent some sweets and snacks for me in return (and I LOVED those). The third share went to Jill, especially the older daughter who has a sweet tooth. We plan to give the last share to our neighbours downstairs, who have given to us in circumstances we will never forget.

5. I now keep seeing that Gramin Seva driver often, at the Metro Station waiting for his passengers. Now we smile and sometimes engage in small talk. A lot of these drivers now know me by face, very few try to flirt or impress. Some keep to themselves, acting as strangers still, while most acknowledge the familiarity without engaging in conversation. One of these days, I am going to ask the friendlier ones to help me distribute flyers for my new business. I hope they agree :)

By the way, I also saw that young college kid in the same vehicle as me, the other day. At first, he avoided eye contact with me, so I thought he was probably embarrassed (you can never tell with teenage boys) and doesn't want a conversation. So I kept to myself, and then discovered that he was trying to catch my eye towards the end of the journey, but by then I had lost interest.

6. A recent trip to the shack where they press clothes turned out to be one of connections. I greet the staff there every day on my way to work and back. We have gotten friendly. One of the them has lived in Mumbai and he told me that when I requested him to make 3 folds of my clothes instead of two. Apparently that's the Mumbai way of doing things! Lol! I told him I too hailed from Mumbai. He has lived in Shivaji Park. An old lady following our conversation chipped in with much happiness that her daughter also lives in Mumbai, but outside it. I knew what she meant. I suggested 'Vashi/ Navi Mumbai' and she nodded vigorously! I told her my home was in Ghatkopar, and that excited her even more, since her daughter's relative lived there. Now this old lady became extremely happy. She told me she was a cook, and that she would be happy to work for me. That I was like her daughter. She told me her daughter boarded the train from Bandra every day. I asked her if she did that because she worked there, she shook her head and corrected me, "No, she has a job there." Hahahaha! That was cute.

On my way back, I greeted an aunty who was soaking up the sun. I complimented her on the variety of plants she had. She immediately offered to give me some so that I could plant them at home. So easily and naturally she offered to give, that it was touching. We discussed a certain red ornamental plant, she gave me a few seeds and I promised her to come back and take some more.

Things have happened, some got blogged about, some have left my memory. But my umbrella always has people under it, and that's how things should be.

What Makes Me Happy Today?

It has been long since I posted last. Actually, I have been very busy working on my Macro Goals of 2013. Today is a very special day, because I have completed 80% of my work before I launch my first ever business, and I am well ahead of time. Everything looks like it is in place, and recently I found myself wondering how I will manage if more than expected number of clients line up. After such a lot of hard work, it will break my heart to turn anyone away!

So I checked with Meghu if he will be willing to help out. He didn't think much, he agreed. And then, last evening, I thought, if he is anyway ready to help, can he instead think of committing to this, so that we can actually take on more clients? He has given it a thought, and has agreed, much to my boundless joy!

I know this will be a good proposition for both of us, we will be happy as individuals, and happy as business partners, and happy as a couple! Meghu's 'yes' has brought joy, excitement, plenty of reassurance and a masculine energy to the business. I am thrilled that he is joining in before I start out (one had heard of partners dropping out before a business launch..I am lucky to have Meghu join in!)

Meghu and I have some very cool compatibilities at times. He looks at the big picture, I specialise in meticulous planning. He will bring in his people's skills, I might handle more of organising-admin-accounts type work. To top everything, he will handle a vertical he actually feels for, and the one I dread in my heart. And I will happily take charge of the vertical very dear to me, but which Meghu will not want to touch! How neatly things are falling in place!

We will tackle all the remaining issues together. The most important one is that of premises. A quick look at classifieds has been quite reassuring. And with Meghu's entry, there's just so much hope. I 'know' all will be well.

A certain uncle who has studied numerology, once read our numbers. One of the most interesting things he said was that when Meghu and I will do anything TOGETHER it will be a successful stint. I hope his predictions come true :) :) :)

P.S: The two said verticals of our business are:

www.fabvocab2013.blogspot.in
www.grammargang2013.blogspot.in

And Jill Will Never Come Tumbling After (Today)

Meet Jill. My neighbour, a mother of 2 small girls. Husband doesn't live with them because he is away in the North-East trying to start a tea business. Jill has a brother called Jack, and they were named so by the daughter of the American who founded the orphanage that Jill and Jack lived in. This American called 'Papa' showered these orphans with such things that even normal children with parents wouldn't dream of. There were imported toys, there was muesli and lots of fresh breads and honey and marmalades for breakfast. There was a swimming pool, I am told, in the orphanage. And other things that made that place a palace.

Jill and Jack grew up and had to move on in life. Jill worked at a call centre where she met her to-be husband from Assam and eventually married him. The guy's family has still not accepted Jill (it must now be 5 years that they are married). Jill and Jack are not really in touch, from what I am told. They both live in Delhi of course, but aren't emotionally close.

Ever since we moved into this new flat (I am blessed to be living here), Jill has been the kind of neighbour you would NOT want. Instead of being a helpful one, she actually started asking favours. Just the second day early morning, she put her baby in the arms of my sleepy husband, and asked us to take care of her while she went to run a quick errand to the nearby Jail!! We had cartons all over the place, we were exhausted from moving apartments, and we were finally enjoying a good sleep when she did this utterly bizarre thing. She not only woke us up, she made sure we were wide awake, the baby figured out her mom was away and she was with complete strangers and cried her lungs out for nearly an hour. We did all we could, but we couldn't help being new, we didn't have her pacifier, we didn't have her favourite toy, Damn it, we didn't have her mummy!!! Mummy Jill hadn't bothered to leave a mobile number we could call.

Thereafter, every single day (or so it feels) Jill  has been coming to ask favours. Dabbu, the baby was left with us one more time, many many litres of purified water were taken from us numerous times because of a water purifier she was too lazy to get fixed. And phone chargers have been borrowed on various occasions as well.

Then she goes to meet her husband (without informing him that she's coming). She asks me not to tell her maid that she is gone (so that she wouldn't demand her salary from Jill), she didn't even inform the older daughter's school bus driver for the same reason. Turned out, she hadn't informed her landlord (who asked us regularly if she had returned... she had left the house windows open, and she hadn't been paying the rent) either, nor the cable operator. This woman left with her daughters with no fixed date of returning.

She wouldn't answer calls, she would use unknown numbers to get in touch. The landlord was threatening to call the Police to break into the house. And everyone was disgruntled. She never actually came on the dates she said she would. What was supposed to be a trip of maximum 2 weeks got extended to nearly 4 months.

The older daughter has been expelled from school for missing so many days of tuition. Jill is back and back to her natural ways. Lazy, irresponsible and careless. She came today morning to get her phone charged again, and I said yes with some hesitation.

Then as I plugged her phone in, I decided that I have had enough with her. In the name of help, she is taking advantage. As my husband puts it, "We might want to help people. But not when someone on the street taps on your shoulder and asks if you could please tie his shoelaces since he was too lazy to do it." We have tried helping Jill address the real problem. We tried helping her find technicians to fix her water purifier. She didn't use the help. We reminded her many times to buy a new original charger. She didn't. This is one person who does NOT want to help herself. She wants to sit there watching TV all day and screaming at her daughter.

I think Jill spends energy thinking how others can help her. How she needn't move an inch while others go out of their way to fix things for her. I think it comes from her childhood days when all was taken care of for her, and she was fully spoilt. She wasn't taught to take responsibility, and so she isn't. She is in fact demanding that she be 'adopted'.

Such a neighbour is frustrating. The 3+ months that she was not here were blissful for me. She returned yesterday, and today she has begun her begging. So I decided to tell her how I felt about things, and how I want to discourage her from knocking on our door so regularly.

I talked to her, she tried to listen. She put it down to the kind of people my husband and I were. I had guessed that she wouldn't understand. In fact I won't be surprised if she becomes hostile and passive-aggressive and starts doing little things to avenge herself. I will pray that she believe me when I say that in times of emergencies and crises we are ready to help. But we don't appreciate dependence, clinging and parasite-like behaviour.

She apologised, attributed the trouble we faced to the kind of people we were and said she won't come to us again. I am interested in the third phrase. Hopefully, she won't come to us again.

P.S: As expected, I was talking to her alone, Meghu chose not to support me. He maintains that he would have been assertive the 6th time Jill came asking for help. I am not sure of that. What I know is that he will enjoy the benefits of my actions without making any effort.

Some Updates

1. One of my micro-goals this year is to donate blood. Meghu and I were going to do it together so that I would have his moral support. But the other day, I saw an opportunity right where I was, and philosophised that maybe I am Meant to donate blood without Meghu by my side so that I can face my fear completely.

But it so happened that the doctor in the van looked at my palm and my eyes and pronounced that my haemoglobin level wasn't enough for donating blood. I gaped at him, how could he be so sure without doing an actual test?! I tried to reason with him that I have been fine lately, although earlier I had been put on iron supplements etc.

He politely refused. I got down disappointed, and met another staff outside the van, who insisted I do a test. There were two pathologists at the rear end of the van who would help me. They did the test, and said the same thing. My HB level was not enough.

I could not donate blood, and the doctor was a genius.

2. The last sweater was donated by Meghu to an old beggar lady the same day as my blood donation disappointment.

3. I did make my feelings known to Ruby after all. She came cheekily, trying to make small talk, but I was in no mood. I found an opportunity to talk when Meghu was out for a few minutes. We didn't teach her that day, on my decision. She did apologise but I let my angry demeanour be, for her to remember long enough to avoid such breaches of trust.

It worked. Next few days I was away when she came to work. Meghu taught her, but she kept enquiring if I my anger had extinguished. She went beyond her usual tasks and pro-actively did more jobs around the house to assuage me, perhaps. Even today came with an opportunity for her to demonstrate loyalty. What her mother told me today about her has helped me rekindle my trust in Ruby, her mother and her sister.

I hope this bond remains. And also the understanding that we will not take each other for granted.

4. Meghu and I had a massive fight lately, the consequences of which have been shameful. We have quickly taken corrective action, but the shame has not left me. Anger really IS just a little short of danger. It possesses you in no time, if you don't control the first feelers of it. It makes you inhuman. It makes you an animal.

I vow to never repeat what I did that day.

5. The TED talk that Nipun Mehta gave is not leaving my head. Something profound has been communicated simply and effortlessly. It has made me cry. And I am still figuring out what part has he touched to make me cry.

6. I love OLX and I love TED Talks as well.

7. I have urged Ruby's mother to send her sister Neeraj to study as well. I was told that Neeraj is shy, but she knows us well, so she can drop the inhibition. Plus she has been writing in Ruby's notebook, thereby expressing a desire to learn. And finally, if two sisters of similar ages study together, there might come a healthy competitiveness between them which will egg each of them to study harder, even if only to outdo the other one :)

8. In the wake of the Delhi rape case, our housing society here had organised a self-defence training for kids and women. I participated for just 1 day and am happy with my decision. I do feel empowered and confident. Thanks to the organisers.

Sometimes the vibe is not right

Meghu finally got the Smile Cards he had requested from helpothers.org. Cool place that one, says Meghu.

Before we went to buy the chest of drawers, we had lunch out at a restaurant and Meghu had decided to pay for one of the tables as a surprise to the guest eating there. We would pay his bill and leave (so that the act remained anonymous), and the waiter would bring him a SMILE CARD instead which urged him to make someone else happy now that he was pleasantly surprised that someone else had paid for him! And when he did an anonymous deed of kindness, he would leave this card behind for the beneficiary to carry on with the game.

Lovely idea. We tried. But our waiter was very hesitant. I suggested that Meghu talk to the cashier instead, but Meghu was put off by then. He felt that such a thing should not require convincing. Only excitement to see the face of this other patron (only the waiter would, because we would have to be gone by then) who has been pleasantly surprised.

So well, Meghu couldn't carry out what he planned, but he will soon enough. His next book is called the Kindness Project : D

Umbrella Abuse

My relationship with Ruby might just go down swing. I have been feeling being taken for granted. Just 2 days ago, we had a chat about what's up with her, and that we want to have open communication instead of the frustration, if any, building up within us all.

That chat revealed that she was finding the cold to be a big hindrance (quite understandable, this is her first Delhi winter experience) which ruined her mood and didn't motivate her to come to work, resulting in sloppy performance mostly. She seemed to be feeling better after that and I thought I would see a better Ruby (as she promised) on Monday.

She hasn't come today. She hasn't bothered to inform. I am very angry. I don't deserve to have a sink overflowing with dishes that need to be washed and an unclean house after really putting in all that effort to build a relationship with her. Most employers don't care to have a bond with their domestic helps.

I have repeatedly seen that my niceness has been taken for granted by this section of people I interact with. I don't know what goes wrong. Do they need a little rudeness? Do they misinterpret my deliberate niceness to be dumbness? Do they don't deserve friendship and oneness? Does there HAVE to be a social divide?

It is not me creating the divide, it seems to be them FORCING their employers to create it. Because of a sick mentality that they don't have enough, that the richer lot doesn't deserve a comfortable life, that they ought to then take shamelessly all that they can find and snatch.

I am angry, because I am hurt and abused. Ruby's probably going to have it from me tomorrow.

I am not sure if all the righteousness should be expected only from me. For this one thing, I don't have Meghu's support. He will not stand by me and speak with me tomorrow when I bring it up with Ruby. This hurts me further. Because she sees Meghu and me to be one unit. If Meghu doesn't express disappointment, she is obviously going to get into favouritism. Automatically dividing my husband and me.

I have had this struggle with Meghu since ever. This is one place where his reason takes a back seat to emotions and concept of 'trust'. Many painful memories of my previous landlady, previous maids and a few others get activated.

I wish Meghu trusted me and my moral sense more.

What a day!

Meghu and I celebrated the new year's eve a day earlier. It was an excellent day financially. There's much to feel happy for:

1. The wonderful fruits I bought today morn.
2. My period that is not only on time, but also a good one.
3. Meghu agreed to come with me to the malls.
4. Meghu bought the veggies and the groceries all at once.
5. Could do 2 sets of laundry in the morning.
6. Was looking good :) today
7. The curd isn't exactly ruined. Wise decision to wait and watch.
8. Meghu had 2 oranges and gave himself some roughage (good boy)
9. Could find a GOOD autorickshaw to go to the Malls. Spent much lesser.
10. Our waterbottles came at a staggering discount! I was so delighted, I danced in public :D
11. Bought very cute ear-muffs which my kids at the school and elder sister will love. They are two bunnies jutting out at either end of the muffs. For a cool discount too, this one.
12. A very old movie we bought to celebrate the day and the year-end. Hope it is worth watching.
13. The most unbelievable waist coat I bought at 70% discount, which made item no.14 possible!
14. Another waistcoat of a completely different style that came at 60% discount.
15. The coolest fact that my latest Translation assignment could pay for the muffs and the 2 waistcoats entirely.

The day also included distributing 4 sweaters. We were at a traffic light, saw some beggars and urchins as usual. Gave a sweater to one, and immediately repented. A whole group gathered around us, annoying the driver no end, and exasperating us too. Even when we were done giving the other 3 away, some beggars hung about, arguing, requesting, snatching the empty paper bag and eventually tearing it. One boy even came back almost angrily complaining that we gave him an empty paper bag!

Meghu is most unhappy. He has decided that we will henceforth carry only one sweater (3 more remain) every outing so that our giving and their receiving is more graceful, marked by a conversation, even if it just a 'thanks' from the other person, or a 'bless you' from us.

I agree with him completely.

Distributing Warmth

Asked Meghu yesterday how he wanted to celebrate Christmas this year. He mentioned distributing those sweaters that my uncle had given for Project WinterWarmth. That dozen of sweaters had been lying about for a couple weeks now. Good idea, I thought.

Because the day turned out to be such, we could give away only 4 sweaters, BUT WE DID!

We gave them away to some slum dwellers a distance away from home. It was interesting. We didn't have a big bag, but we were just about to get off our cycle-rickshaw, when slum people came racing and started to swarm us. I didn't know WHAT made them know why we were there. But they were right.

I had seen a girl in a sleeveless dress in such cold, and decided she could have one of the sweaters. Then there was a mother with a child on her hip who wasn't wearing any sweater either. We had only 4 sweaters and people were already thronging us. So I had to surprise them and have them back off. Told them there was nothing to distribute.

Just then as they were receding, embarrassed about how they got fooled, a big car pulled up inches ahead of us, and the whole group crowded it. They started opening the doors and the storage trunk of the car. Turned out there was a group to donate food today. 3 adults came out, and strictly insisted that everyone form a line to receive whatever it was they had got. 

When they were more disciplined and their attention was away from us, we found the 2 candidates for the sweaters and gave it to them, insisted that they wear it right away. 2 more were left, which Meghu handed over to those whom he thought to be deserving. 

We finished in less than 5 minutes. Meghu was highly disappointed. He loves 'connecting' with people, which means have a conversation with them, understand about their life and hardships and feel a bond of sorts in the end. But these slum dwellers didn't seem interested. 

They were, and I had expected this after numerous experiences with such groups, only motivated to receive. They came running, with big expectant smiles and an odd cheekiness. As if they had the right to be poor and enjoy such treats from 'well-to-do' people. They didn't look like they were in a sorry state.

This left a bad taste in my mouth. While people need to cultivate an attitude to give, people also need to unlearn the habit of just receiving.

And then, Meghu's admirable friend Vikanshu who was accompanying us commented, "There is no dearth of people who give."

That seemed so contradictory to what I have always believed. But it also felt bitterly true too....... I have yet to process it fully.

__________________________________________

P.S: This Uncle who has given us the sweaters is currently hospitalised. Has been diagnosed with 3 blockages and will under-go a by-pass surgery on Friday. I hope the people who got the sweaters really feel warm and send blessings for him.

Gratitude to strengthen my Umbrella

I know this : You can't give to others if your own cup is empty. As 2012 is ending (but the world has not ended) I realise that many salient things/ events happened to fill my cup considerably! They are the following:

1. This new house that I live in. We live here on rent, but so feels like HOME!! Aw, I am in Love with this new space!

2. The new system I set up to run the household very effectively. The credit is shared with Ruby and Meghu equally.

3. Meghu's attitudinal transformation. He has now made mammoth deposits in my heart, and I feel very loved. I admire him for the shift, and love every gesture he is making towards being a great husband.

4. The job I have recently found. The salary it brings helps us run the household, even if it is insufficient. It helps us keep our personal savings intact.

5. Limited workload. I am SO thankful about this one.

6. The Rotimaker that Mom-Dad gifted us for our first wedding anniversary. It has made life easy, ensured we eat at home, eat healthy AND save money.

7. The very generous cash gifts we received at our second wedding reception. It averted the rough phase we could have gone through until my first salary came by. Can't thank enough for this one.

8. My haircut. The length is so short now, doing my hair is quick and easy. Saves time, maintenance is cool too!

9. Trips planned and successfully completed. Karwar, Mumbai, Ladakh and Chandigarh.

10. The washing machine and air conditioner we bought. Big deals!! (A big hug to my Haier WM).

I am feeling so cool about myself!

Confirmation from the Subconscious/Unconscious

Thought about my projects and ideas till 4:30am. Let those ideas churn in my head. Slept. Had 2 dreams.

1. I was a part of a massive revolution, at risk of dying, but leading a large group nonetheless. Not an iota of fear. No aggression either. Just immense faith in the mission and an ocean of calmness. We knew we were at the brink of something that would change the world. I was being interviewed on the go. Was at a field, those were pre-dawn hours, the sky was still blue..there were Mashaals (Torches) and people were quietly preparing. There was courage, faith and selflessness. There was Peace too.

2. Meghu and I were perhaps directing a movie. We had assistant directors, but I was aware that Meghu and I were just 100% compatible. He knew exactly how I wanted things without me uttering even a word. I knew how Meghu thought. And to top it all, we saw things the same way. Knowing that Meghu and I were just 100% compatible was giving me a sense of immense satisfaction and reassurance.

I slept for 6 hours which isn't sufficient for me. But I woke up in a good mood, without a headache, which is unusual.

I think my dreams mirrored what I had been thinking about through the previous night. And I am pleased to find that it has perfectly understood what my conscious mind intended to do. Which means my decisions have seeped through well, and hopefully there won't be much discord within :) My subconscious also showed me how I will 'feel' after I have worked on my lessons of giving freely.

I will feel satisfied and peaceful. And that is all I have been seeking.

I must be on the right path.