2 Bucks Each for a Smile

This shared vehicle service available to and from the Metro Station requires that a vehicle moving from there be filled to full capacity (and more) to get highest returns. So drivers and passengers some times need to wait really long while more passengers are found.

Today, we waited 15-20 minutes. Some restless college boys did urge the driver to not wait too long, but he wanted his profits, he gets a turn after a long wait in the queue. However, pressure from within the vehicle eventually caused him to start off with just 8 passengers instead of his regular 10-11. He wasn't happy. We all hoped that he would find some on the way, but that didn't happen.

So I thought I would pay him 2 persons' fare to make up a little for his loss. Then an idea struck. I asked all the passengers at the back, if each of them could contribute just 2 bucks, besides the usual fare. Some were not willing, which I can understand - college-going boys may not have a sizeable amount of pocket money, and those 2 bucks can mean 4 photocopies. But most agreed and I volunteered to collect the fare plus the contribution from 6 passengers including me.

When I got down at my stop, I handed the driver the money, currency notes for the regular fare and a stack of coins as a gift from us. He didn't say anything, just took the money. A guy at the back asked him if he was happy, as if to pacify him. This was the same guy who led the pressurising. The same guy who urged me, the only female in the van, to 'request' the driver to move. The same guy who thought I was asking only him to pay 2 bucks extra! The guy who told the driver, we were all like his kids and it's okay once in a while (!!!!!)

So this guy acted cool, "At least now you are happy...?" As I got down, I looked at the driver and told him he needn't be so pissed off after all. I saw a bright sweet smile on his face. There had been no bad blood anyway, but the bad mood was lifted and now things were good.

As the van revved up again to reach its destination, the cool college kid smiled at me and said, "Nice idea!"

I was grateful everyone got a chance to make the driver's day. It was not about losing out on fare for 2 extra passengers. It wasn't about 2 bucks that cost us all. It was about a kind gesture. It was about the joy felt by all of us in giving to this saddened man. That will stay in our memories for a long time, and hopefully inspire more kindness.

And Jill Will Never Come Tumbling After (Today)

Meet Jill. My neighbour, a mother of 2 small girls. Husband doesn't live with them because he is away in the North-East trying to start a tea business. Jill has a brother called Jack, and they were named so by the daughter of the American who founded the orphanage that Jill and Jack lived in. This American called 'Papa' showered these orphans with such things that even normal children with parents wouldn't dream of. There were imported toys, there was muesli and lots of fresh breads and honey and marmalades for breakfast. There was a swimming pool, I am told, in the orphanage. And other things that made that place a palace.

Jill and Jack grew up and had to move on in life. Jill worked at a call centre where she met her to-be husband from Assam and eventually married him. The guy's family has still not accepted Jill (it must now be 5 years that they are married). Jill and Jack are not really in touch, from what I am told. They both live in Delhi of course, but aren't emotionally close.

Ever since we moved into this new flat (I am blessed to be living here), Jill has been the kind of neighbour you would NOT want. Instead of being a helpful one, she actually started asking favours. Just the second day early morning, she put her baby in the arms of my sleepy husband, and asked us to take care of her while she went to run a quick errand to the nearby Jail!! We had cartons all over the place, we were exhausted from moving apartments, and we were finally enjoying a good sleep when she did this utterly bizarre thing. She not only woke us up, she made sure we were wide awake, the baby figured out her mom was away and she was with complete strangers and cried her lungs out for nearly an hour. We did all we could, but we couldn't help being new, we didn't have her pacifier, we didn't have her favourite toy, Damn it, we didn't have her mummy!!! Mummy Jill hadn't bothered to leave a mobile number we could call.

Thereafter, every single day (or so it feels) Jill  has been coming to ask favours. Dabbu, the baby was left with us one more time, many many litres of purified water were taken from us numerous times because of a water purifier she was too lazy to get fixed. And phone chargers have been borrowed on various occasions as well.

Then she goes to meet her husband (without informing him that she's coming). She asks me not to tell her maid that she is gone (so that she wouldn't demand her salary from Jill), she didn't even inform the older daughter's school bus driver for the same reason. Turned out, she hadn't informed her landlord (who asked us regularly if she had returned... she had left the house windows open, and she hadn't been paying the rent) either, nor the cable operator. This woman left with her daughters with no fixed date of returning.

She wouldn't answer calls, she would use unknown numbers to get in touch. The landlord was threatening to call the Police to break into the house. And everyone was disgruntled. She never actually came on the dates she said she would. What was supposed to be a trip of maximum 2 weeks got extended to nearly 4 months.

The older daughter has been expelled from school for missing so many days of tuition. Jill is back and back to her natural ways. Lazy, irresponsible and careless. She came today morning to get her phone charged again, and I said yes with some hesitation.

Then as I plugged her phone in, I decided that I have had enough with her. In the name of help, she is taking advantage. As my husband puts it, "We might want to help people. But not when someone on the street taps on your shoulder and asks if you could please tie his shoelaces since he was too lazy to do it." We have tried helping Jill address the real problem. We tried helping her find technicians to fix her water purifier. She didn't use the help. We reminded her many times to buy a new original charger. She didn't. This is one person who does NOT want to help herself. She wants to sit there watching TV all day and screaming at her daughter.

I think Jill spends energy thinking how others can help her. How she needn't move an inch while others go out of their way to fix things for her. I think it comes from her childhood days when all was taken care of for her, and she was fully spoilt. She wasn't taught to take responsibility, and so she isn't. She is in fact demanding that she be 'adopted'.

Such a neighbour is frustrating. The 3+ months that she was not here were blissful for me. She returned yesterday, and today she has begun her begging. So I decided to tell her how I felt about things, and how I want to discourage her from knocking on our door so regularly.

I talked to her, she tried to listen. She put it down to the kind of people my husband and I were. I had guessed that she wouldn't understand. In fact I won't be surprised if she becomes hostile and passive-aggressive and starts doing little things to avenge herself. I will pray that she believe me when I say that in times of emergencies and crises we are ready to help. But we don't appreciate dependence, clinging and parasite-like behaviour.

She apologised, attributed the trouble we faced to the kind of people we were and said she won't come to us again. I am interested in the third phrase. Hopefully, she won't come to us again.

P.S: As expected, I was talking to her alone, Meghu chose not to support me. He maintains that he would have been assertive the 6th time Jill came asking for help. I am not sure of that. What I know is that he will enjoy the benefits of my actions without making any effort.

Just One More Sweater Left

As decided, Meghu and I now carry only 1 sweater every outing for a meaningful giving experience. We have distributed 2 and have the last one to go.

So Meghu gave one to a drunk/tired/sleepy man on Saturday and I gave one to a very poor but a very happy child (happy because he had found a laptop bag discarded near a bus stop) who had a thin shirt over him. I interrogated him, of course about the laptop bag (he could have snatched it from someone, since I was seeing him run fullspeed) and then gave him the sweater, ORDERING him to wear it right away. Then we got back into our auto rickshaw and resumed the ride.

I knew in my heart that he didn't wear it, so I looked out, shouted to him to wear it. He was small, got intimidated so tried to act like he was going to wear it, yes.

But I thought, after we were out of each others' sight, that he was too happy about the laptop bag and would ignore the sweater really. But I also know that the skin can't deny the chill here, so he's going to have to use the sweater.

Hopefully.

An Unexpected Start to Project WinterWarmth

Yesterday was a rotten day. By the end of it, I was emotionally bruised and very tired. I was craving warmth, affection and comfort. Meghu and I were returning home from a late dinner on a cycle rickshaw, with me feeling unloved, disrespected and violated. Heavy feelings, these!

Obviously I wasn't expecting to reach out to anyone this day! But just as we were nearing home, I noticed that my rickshaw man was wearing just a thin shirt in such cold weather. The moment I saw an opportunity to expand my umbrella, my mind was off my sadness temporarily. We reached our destination and paid him. Then I asked him why he wasn't wearing a sweater..Was he not feeling cold? He replied saying he forgot to bring, and then muttered that he will buy one soon. I don't know what the truth was, but I knew it was very cold in that moment, and he didn't have much to keep himself warm.

I asked him if he could wait a couple of minutes, I could get him a sweater. Meghu and I were excited, we could infuse a bad day with some Light! So we found him a spare sweater (one of Meghu's that's perfectly warm, but for the 'bubbling' on its surface). I also took him a pair of hand-gloves.

When we finally presented him those, and he had worn his new sweater immediately, I think all 3 of us were too overwhelmed to speak much. He tried to thank, and we could manage a bye. But there was such an unexpected goodness in the moment, none of us had anticipated that we will get an opportunity to bring someone under the Umbrella, and he will get a sweater.

On reflection, I feel that this was the Universe's trailer to show me that I was on the right track with my intention of Project WinterWarmth!

:)

Ruby is truly a gem (pun intended)

Ruby is my domestic help. My third one in New Delhi. My best one in life.

She is young, happy-go-lucky and docile. She has been working at my place since 1 and half months now, and I am so blessed to have her. But I am also grateful for the decision that I want to have a long-term alliance with her. That helped me treat her differently from how I have been dealing with my previous maidservants.

And even as I write this, I am finding it awkward to refer to her as my maid. Because we have taken such liking, respect and responsibility for each other, that she feels like family.

Maids are an indispensable wheel in the machinery of Indian households. They are the backbone of housekeeping, and if you have an efficient one, a huge part of your worries has vanished. And yet, in India, it is very common to find employers and domestic helpers hold grudges against each other. The employers feel that they pay so much and yet have to bear tantrums from the D.H, while the latter fear being squeezed the juice out of, and basically exploited.

So, trust definitely does not exist in such relationships. Little appreciation from the Es and little conscientiousness from the D.Hs. A cycle of dissatisfaction and sadness on both sides.

I have suffered, and I assume my maids must have too. But before I took Ruby on, I decided to do things differently. To do them the way Stephen Covey suggests. To build trust, to see the relationship beyond what it represents, to respect the humanness of an employee and to work for it as though it were going to last a lifetime, much like family.

And I have succeeded. Compliments, polite corrective feedback, taking interest in her life, sharing my own with her, delegating tasks and trusting she will do them right - has gone a looooooong way! Plus Meghu and I have undertaken to teach her English everyday. She tells us she hasn't had employers like us. Her mother says we are her favourites. She demonstrates extra loyalty to us over others who have employed her. She loves her English words. And I think, she loves us too :)

We are more than happy. I am thrilled that I have successfully forged a beautiful relationship with my helper. That the whole concept actually works, and how! That she has accepted us to such a depth, that she completes additional tasks without being asked to, apart from perfectly executing already delegated ones. She wants to impress, she wants to keep the love coming to her. And she frees my mental space drastically for other endeavours.

She is one blessing I can't be thankful enough for.

Her being excited to come to work everyday, chat with us, share with us, get educated leaves a very meaningful and satisfied feeling in our hearts. Then we too want to overdeliver. We have happily given her Diwali gifts beyond her expectation. We are taking her English education seriously. Meghu helps her revise EVERYDAY while I am at work. We never deny her leaves.

Our cycle of giving freely has begun. We are only joyed to see each other everyday. I love this relationship!!