Some More Updates

Just because I haven't blogged for a while, does not mean things didn't happen.

1. Jill's one-year old cut her little fingers on a sheet of jagged glass, and I incidentally happen to look in there to talk to Ruby's sister Neeraj who works for Jill. I saw Neeraj holding the baby with her bleeding fingers in the wash basin, while Jill had gone downt o get some Band-Aid.
(It boggles me how a mother of 2 small kids can leave a door with broken glass sheets unattended, and also how she can not have stocked on First Aid supplies at home for emergencies. I also don't understand why she didn't come to me for bandages, when I had clearly told her she must tell us first!)

Anyway, I quickly ran, took stock of the situation, brought bandage for the little one, applied turmeric since the bleeding wouldn't stop, asked the older daughter to fetch some ice. Oh god, it was too much! Jill came and saw me handling the child, she thanked me and tried to return my 3 bandages to me (!!!!!!)

I asked her to leave all else, and rush to a GP since the child's fingers kept bleeding, despite all attempts. I feared the worst.

With much persuasion and a final authority in my voice, I got her out, the older daughter and house under my care. Eventually, Meghu took over and I could get on with my day.

2. Our ADHAAR card application process. Many many things happened. 2 officers, a cramped lobby area and big crowds. Many people tried to bribe the officers and nudge their applications in. We had decided we would do it legally AND that very day!

All went well by the Grace of the Universe. We changed our application centre last minute which made all the difference. Someone else fought our battle to convince the officers about accepting our applications, while we filled the forms. We had reached early enough to be amongst the first 10 applicants. Seriously, with the help of a guy with his arm in a plaster, we could get our application done before lunch time!

We took opportunities to give to. There was chaos and the officers were muddled. We helped distribute forms, give information, regulate the crowds, help look for lost/misplaced forms in old bundles, help illiterate people fill their forms. Then I spotted a senior citizen whose presence itself was awe-inspiring. He was unaccompanied. His documents said his date of birth was something 1928! Whoa! Somebody who was in his youth when India got her independence!

I immediately moved the crowd to get him seated. I filled his form, found out what documents he would need. This gentleman impressed me thoroughly, he was carrying a pen!! (Yes, that is a BIG deal. There are tons of fools who walk into places without pens and then go about begging for one from others. Irresponsible fellows.) One of the officers who was earlier thankful that I was helping her, now seemed irritated. She didn't seem keen to take on one more application. She asked me to not help the gentleman, citing that many such people keep coming all the time. I was firm, I drew her attention to his age and how we just couldn't turn him down.

She saw sense, told me which documents will be required, and that they will take his application on priority. i was thrilled. I sent Meghu to photocopy some of his documents to complete the application. But it so happened that I had to join Meghu eventually, So I informed the old man that we will be returning shortly and he must not worry.

Meghu and I took a long time to return because the photocopier was a good distance away. Plus we decided to pack a small snack for both the officers who were admirably tackling the crowds, sometimes buckling under the pressure. Plus we tried to buy fruit for me and get some print-outs as well.

By the time we returned, one of the applicants we had now befriended informed that the old man was getting very worried about his original documents, he thought we might have run away. I didn't like that thought, but I could completely understand him. He had been waiting helplessly. Anyway, I went up to him, got his bunch together and we walked to the officer to submit it. Now he was given a new seat and we told him he would soon get a turn (he wasn't happy with 'soon' he wanted it 'right now').

Then we turned to the officers, and handed them a packet each of 2 hot samosas as a gift. They smiled, thanked but refused to accept. It might count as bribe. And we laughed. Because this wasn't a bribe, because it wasn't being done covertly, a whole crowd was watching and actually appreciating the gesture. So we pressed them to accept it as a gift on behalf of all us applicants. They did :D

This particular day was highly satisfying.

3. My kids at school are beginning to like me. Some are attached. I recently got a Valentine Day drawing from a girl in class 2, which is common for teachers, but it was my first souvenir and so was special! The kids are liking what I teach, the way I do it. Even a certain difficult child with behavioural problems, who had dropped out and then later joined back, even he was responding to me! I am so thrilled!

i feel validated in my heart, that I can reach out to these young children. That I can encourage so many, make them believe in themselves, extend the strong ones, strengthen the weaker ones. impart moral lessons in subtle ways. I have so much power. I pray to the Universe that the right influence flow through me. That I always be congruent with what is good and right, and that I be an excellent role model. Because any which way, I will be emulated.

4. The sweets that Meghu got me from his Hyderabad trip were truly too many to consume. And while they still had good shelf-life, we decided to share these with our neighbours. The first share went to Ruby and family. The second went to an old lady upstairs who has irked me a number of times, but our equation has changed for the better ever since Meghu stepped in. She will never let us leave her home empty-handed. She sent some sweets and snacks for me in return (and I LOVED those). The third share went to Jill, especially the older daughter who has a sweet tooth. We plan to give the last share to our neighbours downstairs, who have given to us in circumstances we will never forget.

5. I now keep seeing that Gramin Seva driver often, at the Metro Station waiting for his passengers. Now we smile and sometimes engage in small talk. A lot of these drivers now know me by face, very few try to flirt or impress. Some keep to themselves, acting as strangers still, while most acknowledge the familiarity without engaging in conversation. One of these days, I am going to ask the friendlier ones to help me distribute flyers for my new business. I hope they agree :)

By the way, I also saw that young college kid in the same vehicle as me, the other day. At first, he avoided eye contact with me, so I thought he was probably embarrassed (you can never tell with teenage boys) and doesn't want a conversation. So I kept to myself, and then discovered that he was trying to catch my eye towards the end of the journey, but by then I had lost interest.

6. A recent trip to the shack where they press clothes turned out to be one of connections. I greet the staff there every day on my way to work and back. We have gotten friendly. One of the them has lived in Mumbai and he told me that when I requested him to make 3 folds of my clothes instead of two. Apparently that's the Mumbai way of doing things! Lol! I told him I too hailed from Mumbai. He has lived in Shivaji Park. An old lady following our conversation chipped in with much happiness that her daughter also lives in Mumbai, but outside it. I knew what she meant. I suggested 'Vashi/ Navi Mumbai' and she nodded vigorously! I told her my home was in Ghatkopar, and that excited her even more, since her daughter's relative lived there. Now this old lady became extremely happy. She told me she was a cook, and that she would be happy to work for me. That I was like her daughter. She told me her daughter boarded the train from Bandra every day. I asked her if she did that because she worked there, she shook her head and corrected me, "No, she has a job there." Hahahaha! That was cute.

On my way back, I greeted an aunty who was soaking up the sun. I complimented her on the variety of plants she had. She immediately offered to give me some so that I could plant them at home. So easily and naturally she offered to give, that it was touching. We discussed a certain red ornamental plant, she gave me a few seeds and I promised her to come back and take some more.

Things have happened, some got blogged about, some have left my memory. But my umbrella always has people under it, and that's how things should be.

2 Bucks Each for a Smile

This shared vehicle service available to and from the Metro Station requires that a vehicle moving from there be filled to full capacity (and more) to get highest returns. So drivers and passengers some times need to wait really long while more passengers are found.

Today, we waited 15-20 minutes. Some restless college boys did urge the driver to not wait too long, but he wanted his profits, he gets a turn after a long wait in the queue. However, pressure from within the vehicle eventually caused him to start off with just 8 passengers instead of his regular 10-11. He wasn't happy. We all hoped that he would find some on the way, but that didn't happen.

So I thought I would pay him 2 persons' fare to make up a little for his loss. Then an idea struck. I asked all the passengers at the back, if each of them could contribute just 2 bucks, besides the usual fare. Some were not willing, which I can understand - college-going boys may not have a sizeable amount of pocket money, and those 2 bucks can mean 4 photocopies. But most agreed and I volunteered to collect the fare plus the contribution from 6 passengers including me.

When I got down at my stop, I handed the driver the money, currency notes for the regular fare and a stack of coins as a gift from us. He didn't say anything, just took the money. A guy at the back asked him if he was happy, as if to pacify him. This was the same guy who led the pressurising. The same guy who urged me, the only female in the van, to 'request' the driver to move. The same guy who thought I was asking only him to pay 2 bucks extra! The guy who told the driver, we were all like his kids and it's okay once in a while (!!!!!)

So this guy acted cool, "At least now you are happy...?" As I got down, I looked at the driver and told him he needn't be so pissed off after all. I saw a bright sweet smile on his face. There had been no bad blood anyway, but the bad mood was lifted and now things were good.

As the van revved up again to reach its destination, the cool college kid smiled at me and said, "Nice idea!"

I was grateful everyone got a chance to make the driver's day. It was not about losing out on fare for 2 extra passengers. It wasn't about 2 bucks that cost us all. It was about a kind gesture. It was about the joy felt by all of us in giving to this saddened man. That will stay in our memories for a long time, and hopefully inspire more kindness.

Just One More Sweater Left

As decided, Meghu and I now carry only 1 sweater every outing for a meaningful giving experience. We have distributed 2 and have the last one to go.

So Meghu gave one to a drunk/tired/sleepy man on Saturday and I gave one to a very poor but a very happy child (happy because he had found a laptop bag discarded near a bus stop) who had a thin shirt over him. I interrogated him, of course about the laptop bag (he could have snatched it from someone, since I was seeing him run fullspeed) and then gave him the sweater, ORDERING him to wear it right away. Then we got back into our auto rickshaw and resumed the ride.

I knew in my heart that he didn't wear it, so I looked out, shouted to him to wear it. He was small, got intimidated so tried to act like he was going to wear it, yes.

But I thought, after we were out of each others' sight, that he was too happy about the laptop bag and would ignore the sweater really. But I also know that the skin can't deny the chill here, so he's going to have to use the sweater.

Hopefully.

Sometimes the vibe is not right

Meghu finally got the Smile Cards he had requested from helpothers.org. Cool place that one, says Meghu.

Before we went to buy the chest of drawers, we had lunch out at a restaurant and Meghu had decided to pay for one of the tables as a surprise to the guest eating there. We would pay his bill and leave (so that the act remained anonymous), and the waiter would bring him a SMILE CARD instead which urged him to make someone else happy now that he was pleasantly surprised that someone else had paid for him! And when he did an anonymous deed of kindness, he would leave this card behind for the beneficiary to carry on with the game.

Lovely idea. We tried. But our waiter was very hesitant. I suggested that Meghu talk to the cashier instead, but Meghu was put off by then. He felt that such a thing should not require convincing. Only excitement to see the face of this other patron (only the waiter would, because we would have to be gone by then) who has been pleasantly surprised.

So well, Meghu couldn't carry out what he planned, but he will soon enough. His next book is called the Kindness Project : D

Small Acts of Kindness

I wanted to get a watch repaired today. It was a minor repair, the technician did it for free. I am very happy about this, he actually enhanced my day.

Now, we may say that we must all engage in such small acts of kindness - we call them small because maybe they cost us less effort. But I am thinking that no act can really be 'small' because the decision to engage in any kindness is always a BIG thing, especially when we are all living with a belief of scarcity of everything we have.

For example, insisting that the vendor accept more than he has charged us, because he has wrongly calculated the prices. Maybe he undercharged me by a very small amount (as in today's case), or undercharged a big sum (as in yesterday's waterbottles' case). I stood to gain in both scenarios. But it took me courage to decide against my autotendency to let the calculating mistakes be so that I benefited from it. It is THAT decision that was big.

Another thing- the guy who presses our clothes, today, would have made a loss of just 2 bucks had I not insisted on the right bill. The fact that a customer chose to be honest for his interest, must have touched him a great deal.

So an act of kindness is big, if the courage or values behind it are big, and if the result is big. And in most cases, this is so.

If you engage in any kindness, pat yourself. It is a big deal. And if someone's been kind to you, don't take that lightly either.

Distributing Warmth

Asked Meghu yesterday how he wanted to celebrate Christmas this year. He mentioned distributing those sweaters that my uncle had given for Project WinterWarmth. That dozen of sweaters had been lying about for a couple weeks now. Good idea, I thought.

Because the day turned out to be such, we could give away only 4 sweaters, BUT WE DID!

We gave them away to some slum dwellers a distance away from home. It was interesting. We didn't have a big bag, but we were just about to get off our cycle-rickshaw, when slum people came racing and started to swarm us. I didn't know WHAT made them know why we were there. But they were right.

I had seen a girl in a sleeveless dress in such cold, and decided she could have one of the sweaters. Then there was a mother with a child on her hip who wasn't wearing any sweater either. We had only 4 sweaters and people were already thronging us. So I had to surprise them and have them back off. Told them there was nothing to distribute.

Just then as they were receding, embarrassed about how they got fooled, a big car pulled up inches ahead of us, and the whole group crowded it. They started opening the doors and the storage trunk of the car. Turned out there was a group to donate food today. 3 adults came out, and strictly insisted that everyone form a line to receive whatever it was they had got. 

When they were more disciplined and their attention was away from us, we found the 2 candidates for the sweaters and gave it to them, insisted that they wear it right away. 2 more were left, which Meghu handed over to those whom he thought to be deserving. 

We finished in less than 5 minutes. Meghu was highly disappointed. He loves 'connecting' with people, which means have a conversation with them, understand about their life and hardships and feel a bond of sorts in the end. But these slum dwellers didn't seem interested. 

They were, and I had expected this after numerous experiences with such groups, only motivated to receive. They came running, with big expectant smiles and an odd cheekiness. As if they had the right to be poor and enjoy such treats from 'well-to-do' people. They didn't look like they were in a sorry state.

This left a bad taste in my mouth. While people need to cultivate an attitude to give, people also need to unlearn the habit of just receiving.

And then, Meghu's admirable friend Vikanshu who was accompanying us commented, "There is no dearth of people who give."

That seemed so contradictory to what I have always believed. But it also felt bitterly true too....... I have yet to process it fully.

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P.S: This Uncle who has given us the sweaters is currently hospitalised. Has been diagnosed with 3 blockages and will under-go a by-pass surgery on Friday. I hope the people who got the sweaters really feel warm and send blessings for him.

Kind Deeds_Recently Part 2

1. Relieved Ruby of duties and tasks considering her having fallen ill recently.

2. Protected a woman from falling from a van.

3. Lent the office peon some money,  while he awaited his salary.

4. Paid special attention to that little child who rushed to me to show her math workbook. She is bright.

5. Gave away my seat to an old lady in the Metro. Got one immediately thereafter.

Kind Deeds_Recently

1. Saved a baby-squirrel from getting squashed.
2. Spoke lovingly to a naughty child to understand his behavioural problem and see if he could be helped.
3. Let an elderly aunty use my lower berth in the train.
4. Offered a lift to someone I easily could have ignored.
5. Refused to accept a leather bag gift. Accepted the emotion behind it, though.
6. Arranged a surprise for Meghu :) I am happy that I got it all right.
7. Gave Prema a pair of earphones he so wanted.
8. Took out time to find books for a colleague to read in leisure time.

Kind Deeds_21 Nov.2012

My belittling negative self-talk has been around for many years now, consistently eroding my self-esteem. It will take time and consistent effort then to change it.

This blog will also be my portal to learning positive self-talk.

I want to mention my kind deeds daily for 2 reasons:
1. To give tangible proof to myself that I am good at heart. I have a heart and it is filled with love. Lots of love, like a sponge that is dripping with water.
2. To encourage me to expand an already giving heart, by holding thoughts of goodness and kindness which will translate to acts of giving.

Today:
1. I prayed and wished earnestly in my heart that my senior conceive soon. She's been wanting to, for long now.
2. I also explored the possibility of counseling an emotionally starved child who is engaging in disruptive attention seeking behaviour at a school I go to for observership.
3. I also complimented 2 children for an excellent narration of how they spent their Diwali holidays, and enquired after another child who seems deeper and more intense than his classmates, who writes poetry and perhaps needs a mentor.
4. I spoke to the kids about why bursting crackers is not responsible behaviour.
5. I always thank my students for being a nice class, regardless of how they actually were. Because I want them to know that I care about all of us having a disciplined, fun and meaningful class, and that they are important to me.
6. I have been kind, understanding and loving to Meghu despite my own pain.