Some Updates

1. One of my micro-goals this year is to donate blood. Meghu and I were going to do it together so that I would have his moral support. But the other day, I saw an opportunity right where I was, and philosophised that maybe I am Meant to donate blood without Meghu by my side so that I can face my fear completely.

But it so happened that the doctor in the van looked at my palm and my eyes and pronounced that my haemoglobin level wasn't enough for donating blood. I gaped at him, how could he be so sure without doing an actual test?! I tried to reason with him that I have been fine lately, although earlier I had been put on iron supplements etc.

He politely refused. I got down disappointed, and met another staff outside the van, who insisted I do a test. There were two pathologists at the rear end of the van who would help me. They did the test, and said the same thing. My HB level was not enough.

I could not donate blood, and the doctor was a genius.

2. The last sweater was donated by Meghu to an old beggar lady the same day as my blood donation disappointment.

3. I did make my feelings known to Ruby after all. She came cheekily, trying to make small talk, but I was in no mood. I found an opportunity to talk when Meghu was out for a few minutes. We didn't teach her that day, on my decision. She did apologise but I let my angry demeanour be, for her to remember long enough to avoid such breaches of trust.

It worked. Next few days I was away when she came to work. Meghu taught her, but she kept enquiring if I my anger had extinguished. She went beyond her usual tasks and pro-actively did more jobs around the house to assuage me, perhaps. Even today came with an opportunity for her to demonstrate loyalty. What her mother told me today about her has helped me rekindle my trust in Ruby, her mother and her sister.

I hope this bond remains. And also the understanding that we will not take each other for granted.

4. Meghu and I had a massive fight lately, the consequences of which have been shameful. We have quickly taken corrective action, but the shame has not left me. Anger really IS just a little short of danger. It possesses you in no time, if you don't control the first feelers of it. It makes you inhuman. It makes you an animal.

I vow to never repeat what I did that day.

5. The TED talk that Nipun Mehta gave is not leaving my head. Something profound has been communicated simply and effortlessly. It has made me cry. And I am still figuring out what part has he touched to make me cry.

6. I love OLX and I love TED Talks as well.

7. I have urged Ruby's mother to send her sister Neeraj to study as well. I was told that Neeraj is shy, but she knows us well, so she can drop the inhibition. Plus she has been writing in Ruby's notebook, thereby expressing a desire to learn. And finally, if two sisters of similar ages study together, there might come a healthy competitiveness between them which will egg each of them to study harder, even if only to outdo the other one :)

8. In the wake of the Delhi rape case, our housing society here had organised a self-defence training for kids and women. I participated for just 1 day and am happy with my decision. I do feel empowered and confident. Thanks to the organisers.

Just One More Sweater Left

As decided, Meghu and I now carry only 1 sweater every outing for a meaningful giving experience. We have distributed 2 and have the last one to go.

So Meghu gave one to a drunk/tired/sleepy man on Saturday and I gave one to a very poor but a very happy child (happy because he had found a laptop bag discarded near a bus stop) who had a thin shirt over him. I interrogated him, of course about the laptop bag (he could have snatched it from someone, since I was seeing him run fullspeed) and then gave him the sweater, ORDERING him to wear it right away. Then we got back into our auto rickshaw and resumed the ride.

I knew in my heart that he didn't wear it, so I looked out, shouted to him to wear it. He was small, got intimidated so tried to act like he was going to wear it, yes.

But I thought, after we were out of each others' sight, that he was too happy about the laptop bag and would ignore the sweater really. But I also know that the skin can't deny the chill here, so he's going to have to use the sweater.

Hopefully.

Sometimes the vibe is not right

Meghu finally got the Smile Cards he had requested from helpothers.org. Cool place that one, says Meghu.

Before we went to buy the chest of drawers, we had lunch out at a restaurant and Meghu had decided to pay for one of the tables as a surprise to the guest eating there. We would pay his bill and leave (so that the act remained anonymous), and the waiter would bring him a SMILE CARD instead which urged him to make someone else happy now that he was pleasantly surprised that someone else had paid for him! And when he did an anonymous deed of kindness, he would leave this card behind for the beneficiary to carry on with the game.

Lovely idea. We tried. But our waiter was very hesitant. I suggested that Meghu talk to the cashier instead, but Meghu was put off by then. He felt that such a thing should not require convincing. Only excitement to see the face of this other patron (only the waiter would, because we would have to be gone by then) who has been pleasantly surprised.

So well, Meghu couldn't carry out what he planned, but he will soon enough. His next book is called the Kindness Project : D

Distributing Warmth

Asked Meghu yesterday how he wanted to celebrate Christmas this year. He mentioned distributing those sweaters that my uncle had given for Project WinterWarmth. That dozen of sweaters had been lying about for a couple weeks now. Good idea, I thought.

Because the day turned out to be such, we could give away only 4 sweaters, BUT WE DID!

We gave them away to some slum dwellers a distance away from home. It was interesting. We didn't have a big bag, but we were just about to get off our cycle-rickshaw, when slum people came racing and started to swarm us. I didn't know WHAT made them know why we were there. But they were right.

I had seen a girl in a sleeveless dress in such cold, and decided she could have one of the sweaters. Then there was a mother with a child on her hip who wasn't wearing any sweater either. We had only 4 sweaters and people were already thronging us. So I had to surprise them and have them back off. Told them there was nothing to distribute.

Just then as they were receding, embarrassed about how they got fooled, a big car pulled up inches ahead of us, and the whole group crowded it. They started opening the doors and the storage trunk of the car. Turned out there was a group to donate food today. 3 adults came out, and strictly insisted that everyone form a line to receive whatever it was they had got. 

When they were more disciplined and their attention was away from us, we found the 2 candidates for the sweaters and gave it to them, insisted that they wear it right away. 2 more were left, which Meghu handed over to those whom he thought to be deserving. 

We finished in less than 5 minutes. Meghu was highly disappointed. He loves 'connecting' with people, which means have a conversation with them, understand about their life and hardships and feel a bond of sorts in the end. But these slum dwellers didn't seem interested. 

They were, and I had expected this after numerous experiences with such groups, only motivated to receive. They came running, with big expectant smiles and an odd cheekiness. As if they had the right to be poor and enjoy such treats from 'well-to-do' people. They didn't look like they were in a sorry state.

This left a bad taste in my mouth. While people need to cultivate an attitude to give, people also need to unlearn the habit of just receiving.

And then, Meghu's admirable friend Vikanshu who was accompanying us commented, "There is no dearth of people who give."

That seemed so contradictory to what I have always believed. But it also felt bitterly true too....... I have yet to process it fully.

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P.S: This Uncle who has given us the sweaters is currently hospitalised. Has been diagnosed with 3 blockages and will under-go a by-pass surgery on Friday. I hope the people who got the sweaters really feel warm and send blessings for him.

Aborting Project WinterWarmth?

There have been 2 synchronicities last week with respect to Project WinterWarmth. 

I noticed that a temple close by is already distributing free blankets to the needy, and a friend shared the details of a Drive conducted by an organisation in South Delhi to donate winter wear to street kids.

Learning about these 2 has made it easier for me to let go of my project. I have dropped my interest and commitment to it largely, and pursuing it will only be a forced action. I think I will get in touch with the Organization and drop those sweaters there (or have someone collect them from my place, preferably), and check with the Temple if they need volunteers for a day or so to distribute the blankets.

I have lost interest in this suddenly...as I am moving through a small phase that requires that I pay more attention to myself. This might also be just an excuse. I am not aware. But my Umbrella will have a limited reach for some time now.

Update on Project WinterWarmth

During my trip to Mumbai, I visited an uncle I knew who would help. He has been distributing blankets to the needy since the 80's. I approached him for sponsorship and tips. He is thrilled to hear about my intention and supports it. As a gesture, he has given me 12 sweaters to distribute in Delhi. He might sponsor a chunk of the blankets I intend to donate this winter.

For the remaining, I might solicit donations on Facebook, or websites where projects and undertakings get funding from people who are convinced of the vision behind the project.

I regret in my heart that the sweaters have been lying around since 3-4 days, but I have been tied up. I also have yet to find out the wholesale rate of these blankets and calculate the funds required. I have to find a supplier.

An Unexpected Start to Project WinterWarmth

Yesterday was a rotten day. By the end of it, I was emotionally bruised and very tired. I was craving warmth, affection and comfort. Meghu and I were returning home from a late dinner on a cycle rickshaw, with me feeling unloved, disrespected and violated. Heavy feelings, these!

Obviously I wasn't expecting to reach out to anyone this day! But just as we were nearing home, I noticed that my rickshaw man was wearing just a thin shirt in such cold weather. The moment I saw an opportunity to expand my umbrella, my mind was off my sadness temporarily. We reached our destination and paid him. Then I asked him why he wasn't wearing a sweater..Was he not feeling cold? He replied saying he forgot to bring, and then muttered that he will buy one soon. I don't know what the truth was, but I knew it was very cold in that moment, and he didn't have much to keep himself warm.

I asked him if he could wait a couple of minutes, I could get him a sweater. Meghu and I were excited, we could infuse a bad day with some Light! So we found him a spare sweater (one of Meghu's that's perfectly warm, but for the 'bubbling' on its surface). I also took him a pair of hand-gloves.

When we finally presented him those, and he had worn his new sweater immediately, I think all 3 of us were too overwhelmed to speak much. He tried to thank, and we could manage a bye. But there was such an unexpected goodness in the moment, none of us had anticipated that we will get an opportunity to bring someone under the Umbrella, and he will get a sweater.

On reflection, I feel that this was the Universe's trailer to show me that I was on the right track with my intention of Project WinterWarmth!

:)

Work done on some ideas

Begin with Ruby. Her brother is very controlling, and has never let her go to movies or malls. To see what the world outside is like. I have already gifted her new clothes, I can now take her and Neeraj (her sister) out for a movie. Meghu loves the idea.

We basically want to take them out to a movie they are likely to enjoy, treat them to refreshments, and then take them to a shopping mall to window shop. But I am cautious of the young girls thinking that Meghu and I are here to pamper and spoil them. I don't want to encourage that, so we will put it as her reward for doing well in her English test, which we will set her in late December. That way she will have EARNED this outing.

We will begin to teach her short sentences January 2013 onwards, once she has a fair collection of English vocabulary. She is a quick learner and Meghu feels that within a year of being with us, she will be speaking quite well! We will teach her the alphabet in the summer of 2013.

Another plan I have for her, is that I want to put aside a sum in her name every year and build a fund which she can use when we eventually part (I am already fearing the possibility of her getting married and going away from us). We might buy her something useful with that money.

Then I have worked on my WinterWarmth Project. I experienced the severe Delhi winters for the first time last year. And I was in disbelief. How could it get that cold?! I would shiver under 2 blankets with my socks and gloves and sweaters over me, in a room with a heater on! That is when it occurred to me that people on the streets must perhaps be dying of cold.........

So I decided last year, and will execute this year the idea of distributing free blankets to homeless people in Delhi. I want to start with 100 people. I have an uncle in Mumbai who is very likely to sponsor the blankets. I will approach my neighbours to lend their car, and I don't think they will say no. And their children will only be too excited to help. I will soon have a Wallet and a Workforce for Project WinterWarmth.

I am thrilled and can hardly wait :)

My Spiritual Umbrella

I have a hint that my current life-lessons are all about growing horizontally. Expanding, connecting, reaching out. GIVING.

Some time in the past I shut myself as a reaction to feeling cheated and being taken for granted. I need not stop helping, I only need to learn to be more discerning. To know who truly needs and values help, and then go and reach out to them.

This is about focussing a lot of my attention to release excessive control and worry, to drop excuses of scarcity and lack of time and actually deliberately expand my power to help people.

These are the ideas I want to work on:
1. Project WinterWarmth
2. Treat for Ruby and Neeraj
3. Ongoing training for Ruby
4. Awareness about recycling resources - especially paper
5. Awareness about consumption of honey
6. Awareness about Organic Gardening
7. Awareness about saving electricity
8. Blood Donation
9. Spread the word about that 'giving shop' in Ahmedabad
10. Find a point of contact in Ahmedabad who can receive and drop gifts from people all over India/ World to that shop
11. Explore the possibility of opening such a shop in Delhi
12. Volunteer or teach a course at Tihar Jail
13. Give gifts to those 2 kids
14. Suggest to people the idea of carrying small biscuit packets while travelling, to give to hungry beggars, instead of change.

Earnestly want to expand the size of my Spiritual Umbrella.